I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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