well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
