anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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