It's like God shit irony all over that family
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
