Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
