The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
