Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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