Welp...herpes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
