I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
