you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
