dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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