I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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