I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
