i jhust puked up my retainher.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
