Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
