My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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