I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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