the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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