you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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