So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
