I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the liver wants what the liver wants
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
