my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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