Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
