I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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