I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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