Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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