I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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