I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize