I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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