Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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