Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
