I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
