Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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