Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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