After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
