Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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