I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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