At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
