I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
