i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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