i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
