if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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