Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
