I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
