Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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