weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I can text with my tongue
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
