Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
