I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Drunk is not a location!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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