If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
