I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
