I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
