TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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