i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is my gift to your gina
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
