Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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