9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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