Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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