i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
