i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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