im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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