it hurts more in the daytime
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
