Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
