you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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