Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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