fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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