she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
