toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
