I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
