Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
