Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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