clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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