you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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