the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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