Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
