i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to calm my uterus...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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